I was walking home with some friends one night in 2010. I don't recall what we talked about, but I remember how happy I felt just being with them. We'd walk for about 3-5 kilometers before stopping at a food stall to get some snacks. Then we kept walking and stopped in front of an office building to eat the snacks together and carry on with our conversation about random stuff, and most of the time we ended up laughing out loud; I wish I could remember what we were laughing about, but my memory isn't that great. Time would fly by, and we'd all realize we needed to get back home as soon as possible because it was getting late. Every time I got close to my house, I wished I lived even further away so I could spend more time with them. Those were the most joyful times for me back then.
Adulthood has slapped me hard on my face. I can't afford to be reckless any longer. I have bills to pay, appointments to attend, deadlines to meet, and my physical and mental health to consider, all of which is exhausting. This is not acceptable. Why can't I find joy in small matters any longer? I used to laugh so easily and constantly. I always said yes to spontaneous trips and not feared a thing. My former self will despise the present me. Perhaps my ways of having fun have shifted, or perhaps I should return to the old things I used to find enjoyable. I liked reading manga (Japanese comic books) like Detective Conan, Doraemon, Crayon Shinchan, and so on. I enjoyed collecting cute things, taking random pictures of things or people, making videos, writing short stories, karaoke, climbing trees, catching small fish, running in the rain, playing outside in the sun, swimming, daydreaming, watching horror movies, reading novels, playing board games, being silly, dancing, going on a hike, traveling, having random conversations with good friends, eating snacks by the side of the road, and I can't think of anything else.
It's fine; I still know how to have fun. I can still laugh a lot. Just don't get too worked up about it. I'm going to be fine.
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| Hanging out at local park late at night |
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