Wednesday, 9 September 2015

When someone calls you ugly

So, yeah it happened to me. When I heard it, my heart ached so bad. But I covered it up. It wasn't only my heart that hurt but also my self-esteem. I wrote an article before (read about how I finally find my beauty and my value in Jesus as know I was created fearfully and wonderfully by God. I am so much more confident today than I was years ago knowing this. Then, my confidence in Him was tested on that day. Did I pass? Yes, I did. How would I know? I'll tell you how in two ways. I will identify myself as "me before" and "me after". "me before" is I when I haven't found my beauty and value in Jesus and "me after" is I am today. I respond differently in thoughts and actions as "me before" and "me after" when I notice people see or call me ugly . Those thoughts and actions will tell you why and how I passed the test. 

Me before: I will agree with those who see and call me ugly
Me after: I will remind myself of what God says in Book of Jeremiah that He himself formed me in my mother's womb. God, the creator of heaven and earth, formed me fearfully and wonderfully in my mother's womb so I should be freaking beautiful.

Me before: I will hate that person for being so mean to me
Me after: I will ask God to enable me to forgive that person right away

Me before: I will blame myself for not being beautiful and then blame my parents for not being beautiful as well and then blame my mom or dad for not getting married to foreigner so that I could look like Cinta Laura or other children born from crossbred family and then eventually blame God for not being fair to me since I look uglier than other girls. 
Me after: I thank God for my dark skin, flat nose, thick lips, messy hair, basically all things about myself

Me before: I will judge that person who calls me ugly as heartless mean judgmental person
Me after: I look at myself thinking that I also sometimes judge people based on their appearance, I just wont say it frankly. Then I ask God to teach me to see beauty in each individual and to have His kind of heart filled of love for people no matter how "ugly" they look like.

Me before: I will say something to make that person feels bad 
Me after: I stay quiet and pray in my heart asking God to remind me of how beautiful and precious I am in His eyes

That's how I passed.

Thursday, 3 September 2015

I prayed, Jesus answered #2

He answered my prayer (again) two days ago. I'm working in a pilates studio in Bali, and these few months have been very busy at the studio with many people try to book into our classes. Therefore, my boss decided to change the schedule and add more classes to maintain the increased number of our clients. Last Friday, my boss told some of the clients after the class that their class will be rescheduled to Tuesday and Thursday at 9.20 (this class was scheduled every Monday and Friday). I was working so I didn't really listen to the information my boss gave to them. Then, one of the clients came to me saying that she wanted to book herself in for the same class next week on Tuesday, she thought that the schedule would be changed already the week after. And I did book herself in. After everybody left, I asked my boss when the schedule changed. My boss said it would be changed the week after next week. I then realized that the lady before had the wrong information, and the bad news was I didn't have her phone number. I didn't say anything to my boss. I prayed instead. I prayed that Jesus would work this matter out for me. I only know her first name, so I tried to find her on Facebook but it didn't succeed. I kept praying. On Monday, I prayed again hoping that she would call to cancel her class on Tuesday. I always believe that God is in control over everything, my favorite verse from Romans 8:28 in shorter version "All things work together for good for those who love God". I always quote this verse whenever I find myself with problems. So, when I prayed I also believed that even though Jesus didn't work this thing out as I expected and that lady didn't call and she would still come on Tuesday, it must be the best thing should have happened and it's for my own goodness. I was ready to deal with the risks of this matter, to receive complaints either from the client because I gave her wrong information or my boss since I didn't ask for clients' phone number as she always reminded me to do so. Then, she called. It was the moment when I already surrendered to Jesus and asked Him to strengthen me to be responsible over this matter. When I picked up the phone and the caller told me that her name is Josephine I thanked Jesus so much in my heart and my mind. Again, He answered my prayer in His perfect timing. It was probably a small matter, but it proved that He cares for us even in smallest matters. I'm forever grateful to Him.

Friday, 28 August 2015

Blessing List Challenge

So, I want to challenge myself and people to start counting their blessings daily as we often find it hard to be grateful, I would love to start counting from my yesterday's blessings (Thursday, 27th August 2015) because I still have fresh memories of it and also because today is not over yet:
  1. I could wake up early in the morning
  2. I wasn't late to come to work
  3. I could have cheap delicious lunch
  4. Ibu Ayu, one of the clients at my workplace generously shared her coffee with me and it was Latte, I love Latte
  5. I could work on some of the exercises and tests of my English module
  6. My friend, Yoga, helped me to buy phone credit 
  7. I finished working on time
  8. I got to teach Angie and she did well
  9. I could pay my debt of phone credit to my friend
  10. Yutaka-san let me to join his company's movie night
  11. One of my students cancelled her class so I was able to join the movie night
  12. I had few big slices of pizza, chicken wings, some other delicious food for dinner at the movie night
  13. I got to watch One Piece movie and laughed at some scenes
  14. I got to help to wash the dishes after the movie night
  15. I arrived home safely and my landlord's dogs were caged so they didn't bark at me
  16. I got to feed one of my landlord's dogs with my leftover pizza wished that they wouldn't bark at me any longer without reasons (they always bark at me and I don't even know why)
  17. I got to call my sister, shared some stuff and then prayed with her 
  18. I heard the news of my brother's college fee has been paid from my sister
  19. I wasn't too tired to read the bible and made journal of it  
  20. God's grace in my life is just abundant 
  21. I still have the chance to pray for those whom I love but haven't received in Jesus yet to believe in Him and to get the salvation only in Him 
  22. God's protection for me the whole day helped me to survive from crazy road routine in Denpasar 
  23. Abundant joy and piece fulfilled my heart and mind for the whole day
  24. My motorbike (I rent it actually) functioned well 
  25. God protects my family as always 
  26. God protects my friends as always  
Well, I believe that there were more reasons for me to be grateful, kind of behind-the-scene reasons because God is working in and trough all things. So, if you are complaining about life I suggest you to start counting your blessings as well. Jesus bless.

Monday, 24 August 2015

I prayed, Jesus answered

I am the happiest sister today. My brother, Willy, just passed the test to go to university. Maybe for most people this news will simply put a smile on their face. It's not something so spectacular to be celebrated or to be written on blog. I would have felt the same if I didn't pray about it or asked some of my friends to pray with me, but I did. That what makes this news such an amazing news, because my prayer is answered. This news is just like another spring of water for my faith in Jesus. Well, He doesn't always answer prayer but He does answer. I believe He knows whats best for us, so when He doesn't answer my prayer I don't get dissapointed. This time, when He answers, it means that something big is going to happen. My brother will do so well in this university, because he is indeed amazing. I believe in his future in this university and I look forward to hear more good news about him. Amen

Saturday, 22 August 2015

Guzik Commentary Philippians 1:1-11 (Terjemahan)

A. Paul’s greeting to the Philippian Christians, and his prayer for them. 

A. Salam Paulus kepada jemaat di Filipi, dan doanya bagi mereka
1. (Philippians 1:1-2) Address and initial greeting.

Paul and Timothy, bondservants of Jesus Christ, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, with the bishops and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

1. (Filipi 1:1-2) Salam
Dari Paulus dan Timotius, hamba-hamba Kristus Yesus, kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus di Filipi, dengan para penilik jemaat dan diaken. Kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera dari Allah, Bapa kita, dan dari Tuhan Yesus Kristus menyertai kamu. 
a. Paul and Timothy: The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to his close friends, the Christians in Philippi, from his Roman house arrest described at the end of Acts (Acts 28:30-31) as he waited for his court appearance before Caesar (around the year A.D. 61).

a. Paulus dan Timotius: Rasul Paulus menulis surat ini untuk teman-teman baiknya, jemaat di Filipi, dari rumah yang disewanya di Roma dijabarkan di bagian akhir kitab Kisah Para Rasul (Kis 28:30-31) saat dia menunggu pengadilan baginya di hadapan Kaisar Romawi (sekitar tahun 61 sesudah masehi) 
b. To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi: The church in Philippi was founded by Paul some eleven years before this letter, on his second missionary journey (Acts 16:11-40). This was the first church established on the continent of Europe.

b. Kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus di Filipi: Gereja di Filipi dipelopori oleh Paulus sekitar 11 tahun lebih sebelum surat ini ditulis, saat perjalanan misinya yang kedua (Kis 16:11-40) Ini adalah gereja pertama yang berdiri di benua Eropa.
c. To all: Paul addressed the letter to three groups.

c. Kepada semua: Paulus mengalamatkan surat ini kepada tiga kelompok:
  • To all the saints in Christ Jesus: This means all the Christians in Philippi. All Christians aresaints, but only in Christ Jesus.

    Kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus: Ini berarti semua pengikut Yesus di Filipi. Semua pengikut Yesus adalah orang kudus, tapi hanya dalam Kristus Yesus.
  • To the bishops: In a general sense, this meant those with leadership responsibilities. The ancient Greek word means overseers and was used to describe general leadership before it came to describe a specific office recognized by some Christian traditions.

    Kepada para penilik jemaat: Secara umum, ini berarti mereka yang diberi tanggung jawab memimpin. Kata Yunani kuno berarti pengawas dan digunakan untuk menggambarkan kepemimpinan umum sebelum akhirnya digunakan untuk menjelaskan jabatan khusus yang diakui oleh tradisi Kekristenan. 
  • To the deacons: Those who had recognized positions of service.

    Kepada diaken: Mereka yang memiliki posisi dalam pelayanan.
d. Grace to you and peace: Paul gave his familiar greeting of grace and peace, recognizing that these come to us only from God our Father and through the Son.

d. Kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera ..... menyertai kamu: Paulus menggunakan salam kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera yang lazim dia gunakan, mengakui bahwa ini hanya datang dari Allah, Bapa kita dan melalui AnakNya.
2. (Philippians 1:3-6) Paul gives thanks for the Philippian Christians.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

2. (Filipi 1:3-6) Paulus bersyukur atas jemaat di Filipi  
Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu. Dan setiap kali aku berdoa untuk kamu semua, aku selalu berdoa dengan sukacita. Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku karena persekutuanmu dalam Berita Injil mulai dari hari pertama sampai sekarang ini. Akan hal ini aku yakin sepenuhnya, yaitu Ia, yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik diantara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya pada hari Kristus Yesus. 
a. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you: When Paul remembered all the Philippians did for him, he was extremely thankful. He was naturally grateful to the Philippians, but more so to God who had worked such kindness through the Philippians.

a. Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu: Saat Paulus mengingat semua yang dilakukan jemaat Filipi baginya, dia begitu bersyukur. Dia secara alami berterimakasih atas jemaat Filipi, tapi lebih lagi kepada Tuhan yang telah mengerjakan kebaikan sedemikian rupa melalui mereka. 
i. The Philippians were extremely giving towards Paul, both when he was with them (Acts 16:15Acts 16:32-34) and when he was apart from them (2 Corinthians 8:1-72 Corinthians 9:1-4, and 2 Corinthians 11:9).

i. Jemaat Filipi memberi begitu banyak bagi Paulus, baik saat dia bersama mereka (Kis 16:15; Kis 16:32-34) dan saat dia jauh dari mereka (2 Kor 8:1-7; 2 Kor 9:1-4, dan 2 Kor 11;9)
b. Making request for you all: Paul prayed for the Philippians and he did so with joy. This was one way Paul felt he could repay the Philippians for all they did for him.

b. Berdoa untuk kamu semua: Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat di Filipi dan dia melakukannya dengan sukacita. Ini salah satu cara Paulus membalas semua yang dilakukan mereka bagi dia.  
i. One might simply say that when Paul prayed for the Philippians he became happy. It is remarkable to see that Paul’s first reference to his own feelings or frame of mind in this letter is that of joy - though he wrote from prison and a possible soon execution.

i. Seseorang bisa menyimpulkan bahwa saat Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi dia menjadi bahagia. Sesuatu yang luar biasa bahwa acuan pertama perasaan Paulus atau bingkai pikirannya dalam surat ini adalah sukacita - walaupun dia menulis dari dalam penjara dan kemungkinan eksekusi yang segera dilaksanakan. 
ii. “It is a glorious revelation of how life in fellowship with Christ triumphs over all adverse circumstances. The triumph, moreover, is not that of stoical indifference. It is rather the recognition of the fact that all apparently adverse conditions are made allies of the soul and ministers of victory, under the dominion of the Lord.” (Morgan)

ii. "Merupakan pernyataan yang mulia bagaimana hidup bersekutu dengan Kristus membawa kemenangan atas semua situasi yang merugikan. Kemenangan tersebut, terlebih lagi, bukan karena pengacuhan terus menerus. Tapi lebih kepada pengenalan akan fakta bahwa semua kondisi yang merugikan rupanya dijadikan sekutu jiwa dan pelayan bagi kemenangan, dibawa pimpinan Tuhan." (Morgan)  
iii. “This is Paul’s great singing letter. It was at Philippi that he had sung in prison at midnight, in the company of Silas. Now he was again in prison, this time in Rome.” (Morgan)

iii. "Ini adalah surat nyanyian Paulus yang luar biasa. Saat di Filipi dia bernyanyi di penjara di tengah malam, bersama Silas. Sekarang dia juga dipenjara di Roma." (Morgan)
c. For your fellowship in the gospel: This was one reason Paul was thankful for the Philippians. The idea is that the Philippians “partnered” with Paul in his spreading of the gospel through their friendship and financial support, and they did so from the first day until now. They didn’t wait to see if Paul was a “winner” before they supported him. They got behind Paul and his ministry early.

c. Karena persekutuanmu dalam Berita Injil: Ini adalah salah satu alasan Paulus bersyukur atas jemaat Filipi. Maksudnya adalah jemaat Filipi "bekerja sama" dengan Paulus dalam menyebarkan Injil melalui persahabatan dan dukungan finansial, dan mereka melakukannya sejak hari pertama sampai sekarang ini. Mereka tidak menunggu untuk melihat jika Paulus adalah "pemenang" sebelum mereka mendukung dia. Mereka membekingi Paulus dan pelayanannya dari awal.
d. He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ: When Paul thought of the beginning of God’s work among the Philippians (from the first day), it was natural that he also thought of the day when that work would becomplete. Paul also expressed his confidence in God’s ability to complete that work.

d. Ia yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik di antara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya pada hari Kristus Yesus: Saat Paulus mengingat awal Tuhan bekerja diantara jemaat Filipi (sejak hari pertama), secara alami dia juga memikirkan bagaimana pekerjaan itu akan diselesaikan. Paulus juga mengekspresikan keyakinannya terhadap kemampuan Tuhan untuk menyelesaikannya.  
i. It was indeed a good work begun in the Philippians and in all believers. “The work of grace has its root in the divine goodness of the Father, it is planted by the self-denying goodness of the Son, and it is daily watered by the goodness of the Holy Sprit; it springs from good and leads to good, and so is altogether good.” (Spurgeon)

i. Adalah memang pekerjaan yang baik dimulai di Filipi dan semua orang percaya. "Pekerjaan kasih karunia berakar pada kebaikan ilahi Bapa, ditanam oleh kebaikan penyangkalan-diri Anak, dan diairi setiap hari oleh kebaikan Roh Kudus; bertumbuh dari yang baik dan memimpin kepada yang baik, dan semuanya adalah baik."(Spurgeon)
ii. Because this good work was begun, Paul was confident of its completion. God is a worker who completes His works. “Where is there an instance of God’s beginning any work and leaving it incomplete? Show me for once a world abandoned and thrown aside half formed; show me a universe cast off from the Great Potter’s wheel, with the design in outline, the clay half hardened, and the form unshapely from incompleteness.” (Spurgeon)

ii. Karena pekerjaan yang baik ini dimulai, Paulus yakin dalam penggenapannya. Tuhan selalu menyelesaikan pekerjaanNya. "Dimanakah ada contoh pekerjaan Tuhan yang dimulai dan tidak diselesaikannya? Tunjukkan bagiku dunia terlantar dan dibuang setengah jadi; tunjukkan alam semesta terlempar dari roda Pejunan Agung, dengan pola yang tidak selesai, tanah liat setengah mengeras, dan bentuk yang tak karuan dari ketidaksempurnaan." (Spurgeon) 
iii. This work in the believer will not be finally complete until the day of Jesus Christ, which in context has the idea of the second coming of Jesus and our resurrection with Him. “Holy Scripture does not regard a man as perfect when the soul is perfected, it regards his body as being a part of himself; and as the body will not rise again from the grave till the coming of the Lord Jesus, when we shall be revealed in the perfection of our manhood, even as he will be revealed, that day of the second coming is set as the day of the finished work which God hath begun.” (Spurgeon)

iii. Pekerjaan dalam orang percaya ini tidak akan selesai hingga hari Kristus Yesus, yang dalam konteks ini berbicara tentang kedatangan Yesus yang kedua dan pengangkatan kita bersama Dia. "Firman yang Kudus tidak menganggap manusia sempurna saat jiwanya disempurnakan, tapi menganggap tubuhnya menjadi bagian darinya, dan bahwa tubuh tidak akan bangkit dari kubur sebelum kedatangan Tuhan Yesus, saat kita akan sempurna dalam kemanusiaan kita, bahkan saat akan dinyatakan, hari kedatangan yang kedua diatur sebagai hari penggenapan pekerjaan Tuhan yang telah dimulai." (Spurgeon)
3. (Philippians 1:7-8) Paul declares his affection for the Philippians.

Just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

3. (Filipi 1:7-8) Paulus menyatakan kasihnya bagi jemaat Filipi  
Memang sudahlah sepatutnya aku berpikir demikian akan kamu semua, sebab kamu ada di dalam hatiku, oleh karena kamu semua turut mendapat bagian dalam kasih karunia yang diberikan kepadaku, baik pada waktu aku dipenjarakan, maupun pada waktu aku membela dan meneguhkan Berita Injil. Sebab Allah adalah saksiku betapa aku dengan kasih mesra Kristus Yesus merindukan kamu sekalian.
a. It is right for me to think this of you all: Paul’s thankfulness, joy, and desire to pray for the Philippians was right, because they stood beside him in his trials for the gospel, and they received the same grace he did (you all are partakers with me of grace).

a. Memang sudahlah sepatutnya aku berpikir demikian akan kamu semua: Rasa syukur Paulus, sukacita, dan keinginan untuk berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi adalah benar, karena mereka mendukung dia dalam pencobaannya untuk menyebarkan injil, dan mereka menerima kasih karunia yang dia terima (kamu semua turut mendapat bagian dalam kasih karunia yang diberikan kepadaku)
b. I have you in my heart: Paul was a man of towering intellect, but he was also a man of great heart, and the Philippian Christians were in his heart. He could even call God as his witness regarding his deep affection for them.

b. Kamu ada di dalam hatiku: Paulus adalah seorang intelektual, tapi dia juga seseorang dengan hati yang besar, dan jemaat Filipi ada di dalam hatinya. Dia bahkan bisa menyebut Tuhan sebagai saksinya atas kasihnya bagi mereka. 
i. Clarke paraphrased Paul’s idea here: “I call God to witness that I have the strongest affection for you, and that I love you with that same kind of tender concern with which Christ loved the world when he gave himself for it.”

i. Clarke menguraikan maksud Paulus disini: "Aku meminta Tuhan untuk bersaksi bahwa aku memiliki kasih yang terkuat bagi kamu, dan bahwa aku mengasihi kamu dengan jenis kasih mesra yang sama yang mana Kristus mengasihi dunia saat dia menyerahkan dirinya baginya."
4. (Philippians 1:9-11) Paul’s prayer for the Philippians.

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

4. (Filipi 1:9-11) Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi  
Dan inilah doaku, semoga kasihmu makin melimpah dalam pengetahuan yang benar dan dalam segala macam pengertian, sehingga kamu dapat memilih apa yang baik, supaya kamu suci dan tak bercacat menjelang hari Kristus, penuh dengan buah kebenaran yang dikerjakan oleh Yesus Kristus untuk memuliakan dan memuji Allah. 
a. This I pray, that your love may abound still more and more: The Philippians had a lot of love, and they showed it to Paul. Yet Paul didn’t hesitate to pray that their love would abound still more and more. It doesn’t matter how much love for others we have; we can still have more!

a. Dan inilah doaku, semoga kasihmu makin melimpah: Jemaat Filipi berlimpah akan kasih, dan mereka menunjukkannya pada Paulus. Tetap Paulus tidak ragu untuk berdoa agar kasih mereka makin melimpah. Tidak peduli berapa banyak kita mengasihi orang lain; kita tetap bisa memiliki lebih! 
i. “That it may be like a river, perpetually fed with rain and fresh streams so that it continues to swell and increase until it fills all its banks, and floods the adjacent plains.” (Clarke)

i. "Jadilah seperti sungai, terus menerus dijatuhi hujan dan aliran segar sehingga akan makin membesar dan bertambah hingga memenuhi semua pinggirannya dan membanjiri batas daratannya." (Clarke)
b. That your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment: Yet, the love Paul wanted to abound in the Philippians was not “blind love.” It was love that had knowledge and all discernment; it was love that couldapprove the things that are excellent.

b. Semoga kasihmu makin melimpah dalam pengetahuan yang benar dan dalam segala macam pengertian: Demikianpun, kasih yang Paulus inginkan makin berlimpah dalam jemaat Filipi bukanlah "kasih buta." Tapi adalah kasih yang memiliki pengetahuan dan pengertian; adalah kasih yang dapat memilih apa yang baik.
i. Paul knew the danger of a undiscerning love. He rebuked the Corinthian church that seemed to glory in their “love” and “openness” which lacked any sense of knowledge and discernment (1 Corinthians 5:1-7)

i. Paulus tahu bahaya akan kasih yang tak waspada. Dia menegur jemaat Korintus yang terlihat memuliakan dalam "kasih" dan "keterbukaan" mereka yang kurang akan pengetahuan dan pengertian (1 Kor 5:1-7)
c. That you may be sincere and without offense: When we approve and receive the things that are excellent, we become sincere (speaking of inner righteousness) and without offense (speaking of outer righteousness that can be seen). Till the day of Christ means that these things become increasingly evident in our life until Jesus comes.

c. Supaya kamu suci dan tak bercacat: Saat kita dapat memilih apa yang baik, kita menjadi suci (merujuk pada pembenaran dari dalam) dan tak bercacat (berbicara tentang pembenaran di luar yang dapat dilihat). Menjelang hari Kristus berarti hal ini menjadi bukti yang meningkat dalam hidup kita hingga Yesus datang.
i. Being sincere is important, but alone it is not enough. Notorious sinners in the days of Jesus such as tax collectors were sincere, yet they still needed to repent. As well, being without offense before others is important, but alone it is not enough. The Pharisees of Jesus’ day were without offense in the opinion of many. We want God to make us both sincere and without offense.

i. Menjadi suci penting, tapi itu saja tidak cukup. Pendosa yang terkenal di jaman Yesus seperti pemungut cukai juga suci, tapi mereka tetap harus bertobat. Sama juga, menjadi tak bercacat dihadapan orang lain itu penting, tapi itu saja tidak cukup. Para Farisi di jaman Yesus pun tak bercacat dalam banyak hal. Kita ingin Tuhan membuat kita suci dan sekaligus tak bercacat. 
d. Being filled with the fruits of righteousness: The work of becoming sincere and without offense is really God’s work within us. It happens as we are filled with the fruits of righteousness.

d. Penuh dengan buah kebenaran: Pekerjaan untuk menjadi suci dan tak bercacat adalah benar-benar pekerjaan Tuhan di dalam kita. Ini terjadi sejalan dengan kita penuh dengan buah kebenaran. 
i. Bearing fruit is always the result of abiding in Jesus (John 15:4-6). As we abide in Him, we receive the life and nutrients we need to naturally bear fruit to the glory and praise of God.

i. Berbuah selalu menjadi hasil dari tinggal di dalam Yesus (Yoh 15:4-6). Saat kita tinggal di dalam Dia, kita menerima hidup dan nutrisi yang kita butuhkan untuk secara alami berbuah untuk memuliakan dan memuji Allah. 
ii. “Every genuine follower of God has his glory in view by all that he does, says, or intends. He loves to glorify God, and he glorifies him by showing forth in his conversion the glorious working of the glorious power of the Lord.” (Clarke)

ii. Tiap pengikut Tuhan yang tulus memiliki kemuliaannya dalam segala hal yang dia lakukan, katakan dan maksudkan. Dia suka memuliakan Tuhan, dan dia melakukannya dengan menunjukkan dalam perubahannya pekerjaan agung dari kuasa agung Tuhan." (Clarke)  

Friday, 21 August 2015

I am beautiful

I used to think that I wasn't beautiful. I grew up thinking that way. My sister is more beautiful than me, thats what I heard people say whenever we were together. Then I would start looking at my sister. She has pointed nose, mine is flat. She has spotless skin face, mine is rich with black spots and acne. She has flat tummy, I've got fat. She has brighter skin, I get darker and darker. I would agree with those people after, thinking I am not beautiful enough. Later on, I started to hate myself. I hate the fact that I looked horrible as a girl. I wished I was a boy. I tried to be like one. For me that time, things seemed easier for boys. They didn't have to worry about looking ugly, they simply didn't care. Maybe that's not true, you boys know better, but yeah I just wanted to not be a girl. It wasn't very extreme thou, my wish. I didn't plan to have gender-change surgery or whatsoever, and I still like boys (hello Jesse McCartney, Daniel Pedrosa, and Tobby Maguire) The problem was simply I didn't feel beautiful and nobody told me that I was, but I couldn't do anything about it and I still wanted to enjoy my life. So, I decided to just ignore "the look" that I had. I tried by myself to be beautiful. I put on nice dresses, shoes, accessories but when I looked at the mirror I never liked my reflection. Then, I tried to put on boys clothes, my brother's or even my dad's. I liked my reflection better after. Because I thought if I looked like boys, I didn't have to worry not looking beautiful anymore. People might stop comparing me to my sister because there was no point for them doing it as I wouldn't be offended. Yes, they did stop.

 Fact of how simpler and more comfortable boy's clothes are became another reason for me to look like them. I started to dress up, walked and behaved like them. My mom didn't want me to cut my long hair so I cut it myself whenever I took shower, little by little so she wouldn't notice it. I liked to hear people calling me tomboy. For me that sounded as a compliment, my version of beautiful. A close friend of mine in junior high school was tomboy as well, she's a fan of Linkin Park, Blink 182 and some other hard-core bands. I forced myself to like them also. Moto GP was popular at that time, I forced myself to like watching it even took notes of the riders' names and the winners of every race. Every Monday morning, both of us would be very noisy during the morning school ceremony talking about the race. Being tomboy was my shield for feeling-ugly attacks. I felt safe and strong. Things were fine till I entered senior high school.

People say the moments you have as senior high student would be the best ones because you would deal with that thing called 'young love'. For me, it happened the other way around. Yes, I did say that I still like boys, but those boys that I meant didn't include the cute guy in my class, or next door or those hot-looking seniors. When you admire actors or singers whom you can find easily on the cover of girl's magazines, even though you are a tomboy you don't have to be afraid to get rejected. It's totally different when you like your classmate sitting right in front of you. You will feel uglier than ever as he threats you like his dude. You will start blaming yourself for being tomboy but on the other side you are not beautiful as well so even though you become feminine still there's no guarantee that he will interest in you. You may have chance if you are tomboy but looking like Demi Levato. If you are not then no solution for you. That's how I felt. My "falling in love" experience didn't help me at all, it made me feel worse. I felt worthless.

I received Jesus in 2010. Then I learned how God had created me very carefully and beautifully. God created human in His own image. He created heaven and earth simply by words and we can always find stunning beauty of His creations wherever we go and look. How much more beautiful human would be as He himself formed us. It's written in the bible that He even had known me before He formed me in my mother's womb. Hearing all those stories of God's overwhelming love for me helped me to find confidence in Him. I then realized that the reason I felt ugly the whole time because I agreed to people's approval and standard of beauty not God's. Pointed nose, bright skin, spotless face, beautiful hair, and the list keeps going. Well, there's nothing wrong with that but that shouldn't be your main focus. I agree that we need to take care of the body that God has given to us but not so that we become beautiful, as we are indeed beautiful. We do it simply to show our gratefulness to Him. In Jesus I feel beautiful and precious in and out. As I feel beautiful inside, I feel more beautiful outside. If you don't agree with me, that's because you use human standard of beauty but I don't need your approval anymore. Now, I can confidently say I am beautiful, lots of thanks to Jesus.

Monday, 17 August 2015

He changed me

When I was young, I used to be very violent. Well, I grew up with that. My parents were pretty hard in teaching me and my siblings, no details needed. I guess that was the cause I became like that. I was physically bigger and stronger than my older sister and younger brothers at that time so whenever we fought I won most of the time. I remember making my sister cried many many times and also my brothers. Then, later I would regret it and tried to make things up with them. I didn't say sorry or whatever as I thought that it wasn't totally my fault. I would simply be nice to them hoping they would understand I didn't feel okay to cause them to cry. For most of the people in my hometown or maybe some other places also, it is normal for siblings to fight and even hurt each other. But, being violent is something like a disease, it eventually gets worse. It happened to me. There was one time when I hit my little brother harshly using the broom stick, I lost control. I didn't only hit him but I kicked him as well. He cried loudly but I was overwhelmed by anger and ignored the fact that he was just 9yrs old little guy. No adults came up to stop  me. I was pretty sure they heard my brother crying like crazy but nobody showed up. Thank God, I stopped by myself. I would've killed him if I didn't. I didn't feel proud and hate myself for behaving that way. I tried to change myself but it was difficult. Whenever my brothers rebelled against me or didn't want to do things I asked them to do, my violent side took control. Whenever my sister provoked me over stuff I would attack her.

I received Jesus in 2010. Then I learned that I could be born again when I received Him and became someone new. The first thing I wanted to be renewed about myself was my violent behavior. I realized that I always failed trying to change it before because I relied on my own strength but since Jesus would help and He is much more powerful than me so I believed it would work out. I didn't change instantly but as I walked with Him day by day, changes really took place. Before, whenever my brother or sister did something provocative, I would not be patient enough to not attack them. After, I became more patient, I chose to just walk away from them instead of stayed there and got provoked even more. Before, being violent was my only choice to make my little brothers do their home tasks as my parents had divided for us. After, I would rather to do it myself or encouraged them to do it with me without any violent approach. Jesus really changed me. 

Later on, I learned to just love them and people. I learned to forgive. I learned to let God heal me whenever people hurt me. Now, when I get mad, I forgive. When I get offended, I forgive. When I get hurt, I forgive. It sounds lame but the peace and joy that you gain when you simply forgive and love people just priceless. I'm so grateful that I met Jesus and He changed that part of me. I'm still struggling with many bad behaviors but with Him walking by my side I am a conqueror to be.