Under the Blanket Dreaming

During the time this film was shot, we and some other friends who were awarded a short course award scholarship by our state government resided in a nearby university dormitory while receiving one month of English lessons to prepare for our departure. However, because we were unsure when we would be sent to Australia, we decided to film this movie to motivate ourselves and keep things interesting in the dormitory. It was simply our way of dealing with the entire puzzling circumstance; we laughed at it. In challenging situations, I often do the same thing, just keep it lighthearted and seek for ways to see the bright side. We were stuck in the dormitory, unsure of our future, but we weren't alone; we were all struggling with the same anxiety. Rather than complaining, which would have gotten us nowhere, we gathered and dreamed together. I'm grateful they were there with me; we still had a great time at the dormitory together. Our friendship has blossomed even more, and I still laugh every time I watch this video. What a great experience!

Fed my inner child cactus fruit for the first time

I desired to be younger and bolder on that particular day, so I dared myself to try eating cactus fruit. I went to an isolated beach with a few of friends; I forget its name, but standing on that beach, you can see Rote Island; you could definitely try to swim there, but the waves would crush you, so I wouldn't recommend it. Many cactuses were growing tall, large, and fruitful along the shore. Why don't I try eating the fruits? I reasoned. It's supposed to taste like dragon fruit. I asked my friend if people could eat it, and he answered absolutely because he had already done so. So, I braved myself and approached one of the closest cactus trees, picking its fruit without understanding it had prickles; I think I was simply too excited. Then, my friend volunteered to clean the fruit for me, or I forced him to do it I don't remember ehehehe. Anyway, I eventually had a taste of the cactus fruit, and I wasn't disappointed. It has a similar flavor to dragon fruit, after all, they are related, but it has a larger seed and less flesh because it is smaller. However, the next time I'm trapped in the midst of a jungle, I'll know to feed myself cactus fruits since they're nutritious and healthful, according to Google.

have i forgotten how to have fun

I was walking home with some friends one night in 2010. I don't recall what we talked about, but I remember how happy I felt just being with them. We'd walk for about 3-5 kilometers before stopping at a food stall to get some snacks. Then we kept walking and stopped in front of an office building to eat the snacks together and carry on with our conversation about random stuff, and most of the time we ended up laughing out loud; I wish I could remember what we were laughing about, but my memory isn't that great. Time would fly by, and we'd all realize we needed to get back home as soon as possible because it was getting late. Every time I got close to my house, I wished I lived even further away so I could spend more time with them. Those were the most joyful times for me back then. 

Adulthood has slapped me hard on my face. I can't afford to be reckless any longer. I have bills to pay, appointments to attend, deadlines to meet, and my physical and mental health to consider, all of which is exhausting. This is not acceptable. Why can't I find joy in small matters any longer? I used to laugh so easily and constantly. I always said yes to spontaneous trips and not feared a thing. My former self will despise the present me. Perhaps my ways of having fun have shifted, or perhaps I should return to the old things I used to find enjoyable. I liked reading manga (Japanese comic books) like Detective Conan, Doraemon, Crayon Shinchan, and so on. I enjoyed collecting cute things, taking random pictures of things or people, making videos, writing short stories, karaoke, climbing trees, catching small fish, running in the rain, playing outside in the sun, swimming, daydreaming, watching horror movies, reading novels, playing board games, being silly, dancing, going on a hike, traveling, having random conversations with good friends, eating snacks by the side of the road, and I can't think of anything else.

It's fine; I still know how to have fun. I can still laugh a lot. Just don't get too worked up about it. I'm going to be fine.

Hanging out at local park late at night

never too late to start a new family's tradition

If my memory serves me correctly, I've been attending Potter's House Christian Ministry since 2018. My first pastor, an Australian, arrived in Kupang with his lovely wife and four children. His mother church in Australia sent him here. I got to know this family well, and we became friends as they helped me in getting back on my feet and working on my spiritual life. I witnessed how they come together strong as a family to reach out to the lost for God while living far away from their comfort zone. It wasn't easy but they held each other dearly and their strong bond has inspired me. 

One time they asked me to take their family photo for their annual Christmas card which they needed to send out early for their loved ones abroad. Despite the fact that I didn't perform a really good job, they were extremely gracious and thanked me for my assistance. Later on, I realized that my family never took a proper family portrait together and I figured it was the right timing to do it. Previously, my younger brother just graduated from university and he needed to take nice graduation photos as well. Basically it was like throwing one stone and hitting two birds. I proposed this idea to my family and they approved. My other younger brother suggested a little photo studio run by a friend, which we liked. We decided on a dress code of white or red. We had a lot of fun during the photo shoot, and we probably caused the photographer a lot of stress because we were too noisy and wanted to try so many various poses (sorry photographer-nim). I ended up making DIY Christmas cards for my families and good friends by printing out copies of one of our best portraits. 

I am glad I proposed that idea to my family and they came along, we now have a family tradition, taking family portraits for Christmas. We started in 2019 and it has been three years in total, with new faces joining us each year. My brother's friend joined us in 2019, my cousin joined us in 2020, and my sister's soon-to-be husband joined us last year. I used to envy my friends' walls covered in photo frames; now I'm scared that my parents' walls will be covered in our portraits; yet, it's a nice kind of fear because I'm truly happy about it.

First family portrait back in 2019

Not really happy with the background but still we had fun (2020)

We may or may not look like minions hehe (2021)

To Be Celebrated

I was just at a friend's house for her birthday celebrations a few hours ago. It was actually just a basic get-together. It's something she's done every year. Her mother would make enough food to feed a large group even if she didn't invite anyone. She would then simply wait for her buddies to arrive one by one. After me, a couple of buddies arrived with cake and candles but no lighter. They later handed her the cake and instructed her to light and blow the candles herself. It was pretty funny that we didn't even sing happy birthday. We joked that they should've just sent her the money and she'd purchase the cake herself, or sent her the supplies so she could bake the cake herself. A few more of her pals arrived later, and they brought another cake with candles already lighted. She had seen them when they entered, so it was no longer a surprise. They stepped in and handed her the cake, this time with the candles to blow out. I'd say it was really uncomplicated, with no drama and just a simple birthday party. Her friends were aware that it was her birthday, and they made the effort to come and celebrate with her, even if it wasn't anything extravagant like we see in movies and dramas. Nothing like a birthday celebration with balloons, a large feast, music, lovely outfits, and sparkles. However, I appreciated her friends for making the effort. They shared a lot of laughter, ate some simple but delicious cuisine, and talked for a long time about many things. 

When I got home, I began to consider what it means to be celebrated. I feel like I've forgotten how it feels really. I enjoy celebrating my closest friends and making them feel special, but it is frequently one-sided. I'm not claiming no one ever did anything special for my birthday or for me, because they did. The issue is that it doesn't happen on a regular basis, and it happens so rarely that I don't expect it. I even got to the point where I chose to do things my own, to organize everything on my own, with some support, but the initiative was all mine. Meanwhile, at the same time, I'm growing exhausted. I'm going to quit putting in effort now. It's depressing. But that's just the way life and people are. Especially in this day and age, when everything is supposed to be instant. There's no need to call; just send a quick message. It will serve to send a voice message, gifs, or stickers. I, too, become lazy and drained. I've spent a lot of my time and energy celebrating others, only to find out that they didn't do the same for me. Therefore, I will be selfish too. Because I need to look after myself. They are capable of looking after themselves. I'll just settle for mediocrity. 

Thank you, I felt celebrated that time (2017)

Thank you for putting the efforts girls (2017)

Good old time (2017)

They Grow Up Too Fast

One day, I was in Jakarta to see an old friend. He's been away from his family for a long time. It had been more than three years since I had returned home to see my family. He then stated that he wished to return home because he realized how time had passed, his parents had grown older, and his sibling had grown up. He resented the fact that he had missed seeing them grow older and more mature. That struck me as well; previously, I didn't want to return to my hometown; instead, I wanted to return to Bali from Jakarta and look for work in Bali. That conversation, however, changed my mind. I made the decision to return home, to my people, to my family. 

My friend was correct when I got home. My younger siblings have grown so much that they are now

Had fun at Paradiso beach, Kupang
(ignores the trash floating)

almost as tall as I am. Before I left home in 2013, they were just little babies to me; small, skinny kids who I used to beat up when they got in my way. They, too, cried a lot but also laughed a lot. I recall being assigned to babysit my youngest sister one day, but I promptly fell asleep. I awoke to find her having cut half of her hair with scissors, thanking God she hadn't hurt herself, but she was so amusing. Perhaps she copied me because I, too, liked to secretly cut my hair back then because long hair was too much work for me. Today, my youngest sister takes better care of herself than I did when I was her age. She looks exactly like me, only less crazy. She sings beautifully and even plays instruments. She excels in school and also enjoys sports such as Kenpo and badminton. 

Awkward pose, beautiful smile though 

My younger brother was a goofy kid. He enjoyed fooling around and making people laugh. We'd tell him to put on glasses and pose for pictures, and he'd just do it, even making funny faces for us. He is now the tallest member of our family. He's such a cool, calm kid. He prefers to spend his time at home, learning languages, reading books, playing instruments, and singing karaoke. He is a very social person who likes to hang out with his friends until late at night. Fortunately, we can still easily find him at home most of the time. He's also a good cook, even better than my older sister, hehe. 

Hi, I am the tallest in my family

I'm thankful that they're both maturing into such wonderful children. They listen well most of the time and give us fewer headaches than their older siblings did. The majority of their age group is known for being spoiled brats and troublemakers. They are, however, good kids at heart.

I am cute and I know it :)

Amateur Drawer

 

Unfortunately, I was not born with many talents. I can act, write poems, learn new languages quickly, write short stories, and that's about it. I wish I had been born with more abilities, one of which is drawing. But I suppose not. I'm always envious of those who can. I met a really talented friend back when I was in the US doing the CCI Program; his drawings would have interesting stories behind them, things related to ancient creatures, monsters, and so on. Whenever I asked him to tell me the stories behind any of his works, he would do so with excitement, joy, and pride, as any true artist would. We could sit and listen to him tell us stories for hours. I really hope he gets more people to admire his work in the near future.

Even though I am not a talented artist, I would like to try my hand at it whenever I feel like it. So I discovered this AI program called AutoDraw (AutoDraw.com) that allows me to do so, to get a taste of what it's like to be an artist, to be able to express myself through my drawings, my random thoughts. So, basically, this program will give you the opportunity to draw and then fix it for you. It is fine if you can't draw a perfect circle, or if your clouds look strange, it will beautify them for you. Isn't it amazing? I gave it a shot and came up with the attached image. That's exactly how I feel right now: random. Strange and perplexing.

How Lay EXO, Jackson Wang, Jay B, D.O EXO inspired me

Years ago, when I was in middle school, I overheard a couple of friends discussing a Korean drama called "Princess Hours" during P.E. They seemed very excited about it, but I had no idea what they were so excited about. I wasn't familiar with K-drama at the time, and I was more interested in MOTO GP, Valentino Rossi, Daniel Pedrosa, and other riders. I was first introduced to Korean drama when I started university; I'm not sure what the first drama I watched was, but I remember spending hours watching one episode after the next, even until dawn. It was just my guilty pleasure, a way for me to pass the time. I didn't think much of it; I just thought of Kdramas as high-end entertainment. Throughout the 16 to 20 episodes, I would find myself laughing, crying, disappointed, and absorbed. Then I realized I was addicted to it; my sleeping habits had been ruined, and I had neglected important tasks such as housework, homework, and my health. So I decided to take a break, which I did for quite some time.

However, I eventually found my way back to be hit by the Korean wave, this time with K-pop. Since I am not a member of any fandom, I would simply start listening to any Kpop songs that I liked. GOT7, Super Junior, EXO, NCT, Stray Kids, Astro, IU, Jessie, and others were among the artists I listened to. I simply enjoy music. Then, recently, I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything. I really want to graduate from university this year, but I can't bring myself to start writing my final essay. I'm just feeling a little sluggish. As a result, I began watching videos and interviews of several idols who are known to be hard workers; I'm sure most idols are, but these specific people truly inspired me; Lay EXO, D.O EXO, Jackson Wang, and Jay B from GOT7, among others. "Wah, I wish I was as ambitious as they are, as hardworking as they are, as passionate about something, about their goals and dreams," I often thought to myself. I'm not sure what my problem is or why I'm feeling this way, but I just want to get out of this mindset, this laziness. Seeing these guys work their butt out was like a slap in the face. I'm hoping I'm not too late. I don't want to be like this any longer. No way, no how.

Tiny Girl

 Tiny girl plucked out wild flowers, grasses, leaves and wild fruits in her front yard

She visited her mom's kitchen looking for a box of matches, she found it

Her friends had prepared three stones of similar sizes and dry branches

The three stones they set as triangle on the ground

The dry branches they pushed in between the stones

They had the stove ready

Tiny girl and her friends searched through a pile of junks for flat iron or aluminum preferably circle

They needed a wok

"I found it!", exclaimed the tiny girl

Their tiny kitchen was almost ready

Delicious meals made of wild flowers, grasses, leaves and wild fruits they had in mind

"Yummy," the tiny girl thought  

Little Boy

Little boy ran after his playmate's kite

Bare feet, dirty feet, ran across the soccer field

Little boy fell, he kissed the hot pavement

Nose bled, scratches, bruises, painless, tearless

Little boy kept on running

Little boy caught the kite

He was the champion

He ruled the world

He felt like it at least

Little boy walked home with the kite on his back

He reached home, put the kite on a pile of other kites

Big smile on his face

Life felt good

When someone calls you ugly

So, yeah it happened to me. When I heard it, my heart ached so bad. But I covered it up. It wasn't only my heart that hurt but also my self-esteem. I wrote an article before (read http://ceasycheese.blogspot.com/2015/08/i-am-beautiful.html) about how I finally find my beauty and my value in Jesus as know I was created fearfully and wonderfully by God. I am so much more confident today than I was years ago knowing this. Then, my confidence in Him was tested on that day. Did I pass? Yes, I did. How would I know? I'll tell you how in two ways. I will identify myself as "me before" and "me after". "me before" is I when I haven't found my beauty and value in Jesus and "me after" is I am today. I respond differently in thoughts and actions as "me before" and "me after" when I notice people see or call me ugly . Those thoughts and actions will tell you why and how I passed the test. 

Me before: I will agree with those who see and call me ugly

Me after: I will remind myself of what God says in Book of Jeremiah that He himself formed me in my mother's womb. God, the creator of heaven and earth, formed me fearfully and wonderfully in my mother's womb so I should be freaking beautiful.

Me before: I will hate that person for being so mean to me

Me after: I will ask God to enable me to forgive that person right away

Me before: I will blame myself for not being beautiful and then blame my parents for not being beautiful as well and then blame my mom or dad for not getting married to foreigner so that I could look like Cinta Laura or other children born from crossbred family and then eventually blame God for not being fair to me since I look uglier than other girls. 

Me after: I thank God for my dark skin, flat nose, thick lips, messy hair, basically all things about myself

Me before: I will judge that person who calls me ugly as heartless mean judgmental person

Me after: I look at myself thinking that I also sometimes judge people based on their appearance, I just wont say it frankly. Then I ask God to teach me to see beauty in each individual and to have His kind of heart filled of love for people no matter how "ugly" they look like.

Me before: I will say something to make that person feels bad 

Me after: I stay quiet and pray in my heart asking God to remind me of how beautiful and precious I am in His eyes

That's how I passed.

I prayed, Jesus answered #2

He answered my prayer (again) two days ago. I'm working in a pilates studio in Bali, and these few months have been very busy at the studio with many people try to book into our classes. Therefore, my boss decided to change the schedule and add more classes to maintain the increased number of our clients. Last Friday, my boss told some of the clients after the class that their class will be rescheduled to Tuesday and Thursday at 9.20 (this class was scheduled every Monday and Friday). I was working so I didn't really listen to the information my boss gave to them. Then, one of the clients came to me saying that she wanted to book herself in for the same class next week on Tuesday, she thought that the schedule would be changed already the week after. And I did book herself in. After everybody left, I asked my boss when the schedule changed. My boss said it would be changed the week after next week. I then realized that the lady before had the wrong information, and the bad news was I didn't have her phone number. I didn't say anything to my boss. I prayed instead. I prayed that Jesus would work this matter out for me. I only know her first name, so I tried to find her on Facebook but it didn't succeed. I kept praying. On Monday, I prayed again hoping that she would call to cancel her class on Tuesday. I always believe that God is in control over everything, my favorite verse from Romans 8:28 in shorter version "All things work together for good for those who love God". I always quote this verse whenever I find myself with problems. So, when I prayed I also believed that even though Jesus didn't work this thing out as I expected and that lady didn't call and she would still come on Tuesday, it must be the best thing should have happened and it's for my own goodness. I was ready to deal with the risks of this matter, to receive complaints either from the client because I gave her wrong information or my boss since I didn't ask for clients' phone number as she always reminded me to do so. Then, she called. It was the moment when I already surrendered to Jesus and asked Him to strengthen me to be responsible over this matter. When I picked up the phone and the caller told me that her name is Josephine I thanked Jesus so much in my heart and my mind. Again, He answered my prayer in His perfect timing. It was probably a small matter, but it proved that He cares for us even in smallest matters. I'm forever grateful to Him.

Blessing List Challenge

So, I want to challenge myself and people to start counting their blessings daily as we often find it hard to be grateful, I would love to start counting from my yesterday's blessings (Thursday, 27th August 2015) because I still have fresh memories of it and also because today is not over yet:

1. I could wake up early in the morning
2. I wasn't late to come to work
3. I could have cheap delicious lunch
4. Ibu Ayu, one of the clients at my workplace generously shared her coffee with me and it was Latte, I love Latte
5. I could work on some of the exercises and tests of my English module
6. My friend, Yoga, helped me to buy phone credit 
7. I finished working on time
8. I got to teach Angie and she did well
9. I could pay my debt of phone credit to my friend
10. Yutaka-san let me to join his company's movie night
11. One of my students cancelled her class so I was able to join the movie night
12. I had few big slices of pizza, chicken wings, some other delicious food for dinner at the movie night
13. I got to watch One Piece movie and laughed at some scenes
14. I got to help to wash the dishes after the movie night
15. I arrived home safely and my landlord's dogs were caged so they didn't bark at me
16. I got to feed one of my landlord's dogs with my leftover pizza wished that they wouldn't bark at me any longer without reasons (they always bark at me and I don't even know why)
17. I got to call my sister, shared some stuff and then prayed with her 
18. I heard the news of my brother's college fee has been paid from my sister
19. I wasn't too tired to read the bible and made journal of it  
20. God's grace in my life is just abundant 
21. I still have the chance to pray for those whom I love but haven't received in Jesus yet to believe in Him and to get the salvation only in Him 
22. God's protection for me the whole day helped me to survive from crazy road routine in Denpasar 
23. Abundant joy and piece fulfilled my heart and mind for the whole day
24. My motorbike (I rent it actually) functioned well 
25. God protects my family as always 
26. God protects my friends as always  

Well, I believe that there were more reasons for me to be grateful, kind of behind-the-scene reasons because God is working in and trough all things. So, if you are complaining about life I suggest you to start counting your blessings as well. Jesus bless.

I prayed, Jesus answered

I am the happiest sister today. My brother, Willy, just passed the test to go to university. Maybe for most people this news will simply put a smile on their face. It's not something so spectacular to be celebrated or to be written on blog. I would have felt the same if I didn't pray about it or asked some of my friends to pray with me, but I did. That what makes this news such an amazing news, because my prayer is answered. This news is just like another spring of water for my faith in Jesus. Well, He doesn't always answer prayer but He does answer. I believe He knows whats best for us, so when He doesn't answer my prayer I don't get dissapointed. This time, when He answers, it means that something big is going to happen. My brother will do so well in this university, because he is indeed amazing. I believe in his future in this university and I look forward to hear more good news about him. Amen

Guzik Commentary Philippians 1:1-11 (Terjemahan)

A. Paul’s greeting to the Philippian Christians, and his prayer for them. 

A. Salam Paulus kepada jemaat di Filipi, dan doanya bagi mereka

1. (Philippians 1:1-2) Address and initial greeting.

Paul and Timothy, bondservants of Jesus Christ, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, with the bishops and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

1. (Filipi 1:1-2) Salam

Dari Paulus dan Timotius, hamba-hamba Kristus Yesus, kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus di Filipi, dengan para penilik jemaat dan diaken. Kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera dari Allah, Bapa kita, dan dari Tuhan Yesus Kristus menyertai kamu. 

a. Paul and Timothy: The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to his close friends, the Christians in Philippi, from his Roman house arrest described at the end of Acts (Acts 28:30-31) as he waited for his court appearance before Caesar (around the year A.D. 61).

a. Paulus dan Timotius: Rasul Paulus menulis surat ini untuk teman-teman baiknya, jemaat di Filipi, dari rumah yang disewanya di Roma dijabarkan di bagian akhir kitab Kisah Para Rasul (Kis 28:30-31) saat dia menunggu pengadilan baginya di hadapan Kaisar Romawi (sekitar tahun 61 sesudah masehi) 

b. To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi: The church in Philippi was founded by Paul some eleven years before this letter, on his second missionary journey (Acts 16:11-40). This was the first church established on the continent of Europe.

b. Kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus di Filipi: Gereja di Filipi dipelopori oleh Paulus sekitar 11 tahun lebih sebelum surat ini ditulis, saat perjalanan misinya yang kedua (Kis 16:11-40) Ini adalah gereja pertama yang berdiri di benua Eropa.

c. To all: Paul addressed the letter to three groups.

c. Kepada semua: Paulus mengalamatkan surat ini kepada tiga kelompok:

• To all the saints in Christ Jesus: This means all the Christians in Philippi. All Christians aresaints, but only in Christ Jesus.
  
  Kepada semua orang kudus dalam Kristus Yesus: Ini berarti semua pengikut Yesus di Filipi. Semua pengikut Yesus adalah orang kudus, tapi hanya dalam Kristus Yesus.
• To the bishops: In a general sense, this meant those with leadership responsibilities. The ancient Greek word means overseers and was used to describe general leadership before it came to describe a specific office recognized by some Christian traditions.
  
  Kepada para penilik jemaat: Secara umum, ini berarti mereka yang diberi tanggung jawab memimpin. Kata Yunani kuno berarti pengawas dan digunakan untuk menggambarkan kepemimpinan umum sebelum akhirnya digunakan untuk menjelaskan jabatan khusus yang diakui oleh tradisi Kekristenan. 
• To the deacons: Those who had recognized positions of service.
  
  Kepada diaken: Mereka yang memiliki posisi dalam pelayanan.

d. Grace to you and peace: Paul gave his familiar greeting of grace and peace, recognizing that these come to us only from God our Father and through the Son.

d. Kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera ..... menyertai kamu: Paulus menggunakan salam kasih karunia dan damai sejahtera yang lazim dia gunakan, mengakui bahwa ini hanya datang dari Allah, Bapa kita dan melalui AnakNya.

2. (Philippians 1:3-6) Paul gives thanks for the Philippian Christians.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

2. (Filipi 1:3-6) Paulus bersyukur atas jemaat di Filipi  

Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu. Dan setiap kali aku berdoa untuk kamu semua, aku selalu berdoa dengan sukacita. Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku karena persekutuanmu dalam Berita Injil mulai dari hari pertama sampai sekarang ini. Akan hal ini aku yakin sepenuhnya, yaitu Ia, yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik diantara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya pada hari Kristus Yesus. 

a. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you: When Paul remembered all the Philippians did for him, he was extremely thankful. He was naturally grateful to the Philippians, but more so to God who had worked such kindness through the Philippians.

a. Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu: Saat Paulus mengingat semua yang dilakukan jemaat Filipi baginya, dia begitu bersyukur. Dia secara alami berterimakasih atas jemaat Filipi, tapi lebih lagi kepada Tuhan yang telah mengerjakan kebaikan sedemikian rupa melalui mereka. 

i. The Philippians were extremely giving towards Paul, both when he was with them (Acts 16:15; Acts 16:32-34) and when he was apart from them (2 Corinthians 8:1-7; 2 Corinthians 9:1-4, and 2 Corinthians 11:9).

i. Jemaat Filipi memberi begitu banyak bagi Paulus, baik saat dia bersama mereka (Kis 16:15; Kis 16:32-34) dan saat dia jauh dari mereka (2 Kor 8:1-7; 2 Kor 9:1-4, dan 2 Kor 11;9)

b. Making request for you all: Paul prayed for the Philippians and he did so with joy. This was one way Paul felt he could repay the Philippians for all they did for him.

b. Berdoa untuk kamu semua: Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat di Filipi dan dia melakukannya dengan sukacita. Ini salah satu cara Paulus membalas semua yang dilakukan mereka bagi dia.  

i. One might simply say that when Paul prayed for the Philippians he became happy. It is remarkable to see that Paul’s first reference to his own feelings or frame of mind in this letter is that of joy - though he wrote from prison and a possible soon execution.

i. Seseorang bisa menyimpulkan bahwa saat Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi dia menjadi bahagia. Sesuatu yang luar biasa bahwa acuan pertama perasaan Paulus atau bingkai pikirannya dalam surat ini adalah sukacita - walaupun dia menulis dari dalam penjara dan kemungkinan eksekusi yang segera dilaksanakan. 

ii. “It is a glorious revelation of how life in fellowship with Christ triumphs over all adverse circumstances. The triumph, moreover, is not that of stoical indifference. It is rather the recognition of the fact that all apparently adverse conditions are made allies of the soul and ministers of victory, under the dominion of the Lord.” (Morgan)

ii. "Merupakan pernyataan yang mulia bagaimana hidup bersekutu dengan Kristus membawa kemenangan atas semua situasi yang merugikan. Kemenangan tersebut, terlebih lagi, bukan karena pengacuhan terus menerus. Tapi lebih kepada pengenalan akan fakta bahwa semua kondisi yang merugikan rupanya dijadikan sekutu jiwa dan pelayan bagi kemenangan, dibawa pimpinan Tuhan." (Morgan)  

iii. “This is Paul’s great singing letter. It was at Philippi that he had sung in prison at midnight, in the company of Silas. Now he was again in prison, this time in Rome.” (Morgan)

iii. "Ini adalah surat nyanyian Paulus yang luar biasa. Saat di Filipi dia bernyanyi di penjara di tengah malam, bersama Silas. Sekarang dia juga dipenjara di Roma." (Morgan)

c. For your fellowship in the gospel: This was one reason Paul was thankful for the Philippians. The idea is that the Philippians “partnered” with Paul in his spreading of the gospel through their friendship and financial support, and they did so from the first day until now. They didn’t wait to see if Paul was a “winner” before they supported him. They got behind Paul and his ministry early.

c. Karena persekutuanmu dalam Berita Injil: Ini adalah salah satu alasan Paulus bersyukur atas jemaat Filipi. Maksudnya adalah jemaat Filipi "bekerja sama" dengan Paulus dalam menyebarkan Injil melalui persahabatan dan dukungan finansial, dan mereka melakukannya sejak hari pertama sampai sekarang ini. Mereka tidak menunggu untuk melihat jika Paulus adalah "pemenang" sebelum mereka mendukung dia. Mereka membekingi Paulus dan pelayanannya dari awal.

d. He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ: When Paul thought of the beginning of God’s work among the Philippians (from the first day), it was natural that he also thought of the day when that work would becomplete. Paul also expressed his confidence in God’s ability to complete that work.

d. Ia yang memulai pekerjaan yang baik di antara kamu, akan meneruskannya sampai pada akhirnya pada hari Kristus Yesus: Saat Paulus mengingat awal Tuhan bekerja diantara jemaat Filipi (sejak hari pertama), secara alami dia juga memikirkan bagaimana pekerjaan itu akan diselesaikan. Paulus juga mengekspresikan keyakinannya terhadap kemampuan Tuhan untuk menyelesaikannya.  

i. It was indeed a good work begun in the Philippians and in all believers. “The work of grace has its root in the divine goodness of the Father, it is planted by the self-denying goodness of the Son, and it is daily watered by the goodness of the Holy Sprit; it springs from good and leads to good, and so is altogether good.” (Spurgeon)

i. Adalah memang pekerjaan yang baik dimulai di Filipi dan semua orang percaya. "Pekerjaan kasih karunia berakar pada kebaikan ilahi Bapa, ditanam oleh kebaikan penyangkalan-diri Anak, dan diairi setiap hari oleh kebaikan Roh Kudus; bertumbuh dari yang baik dan memimpin kepada yang baik, dan semuanya adalah baik."(Spurgeon)

ii. Because this good work was begun, Paul was confident of its completion. God is a worker who completes His works. “Where is there an instance of God’s beginning any work and leaving it incomplete? Show me for once a world abandoned and thrown aside half formed; show me a universe cast off from the Great Potter’s wheel, with the design in outline, the clay half hardened, and the form unshapely from incompleteness.” (Spurgeon)

ii. Karena pekerjaan yang baik ini dimulai, Paulus yakin dalam penggenapannya. Tuhan selalu menyelesaikan pekerjaanNya. "Dimanakah ada contoh pekerjaan Tuhan yang dimulai dan tidak diselesaikannya? Tunjukkan bagiku dunia terlantar dan dibuang setengah jadi; tunjukkan alam semesta terlempar dari roda Pejunan Agung, dengan pola yang tidak selesai, tanah liat setengah mengeras, dan bentuk yang tak karuan dari ketidaksempurnaan." (Spurgeon) 

iii. This work in the believer will not be finally complete until the day of Jesus Christ, which in context has the idea of the second coming of Jesus and our resurrection with Him. “Holy Scripture does not regard a man as perfect when the soul is perfected, it regards his body as being a part of himself; and as the body will not rise again from the grave till the coming of the Lord Jesus, when we shall be revealed in the perfection of our manhood, even as he will be revealed, that day of the second coming is set as the day of the finished work which God hath begun.” (Spurgeon)

iii. Pekerjaan dalam orang percaya ini tidak akan selesai hingga hari Kristus Yesus, yang dalam konteks ini berbicara tentang kedatangan Yesus yang kedua dan pengangkatan kita bersama Dia. "Firman yang Kudus tidak menganggap manusia sempurna saat jiwanya disempurnakan, tapi menganggap tubuhnya menjadi bagian darinya, dan bahwa tubuh tidak akan bangkit dari kubur sebelum kedatangan Tuhan Yesus, saat kita akan sempurna dalam kemanusiaan kita, bahkan saat akan dinyatakan, hari kedatangan yang kedua diatur sebagai hari penggenapan pekerjaan Tuhan yang telah dimulai." (Spurgeon)

3. (Philippians 1:7-8) Paul declares his affection for the Philippians.

Just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

3. (Filipi 1:7-8) Paulus menyatakan kasihnya bagi jemaat Filipi  

Memang sudahlah sepatutnya aku berpikir demikian akan kamu semua, sebab kamu ada di dalam hatiku, oleh karena kamu semua turut mendapat bagian dalam kasih karunia yang diberikan kepadaku, baik pada waktu aku dipenjarakan, maupun pada waktu aku membela dan meneguhkan Berita Injil. Sebab Allah adalah saksiku betapa aku dengan kasih mesra Kristus Yesus merindukan kamu sekalian.

a. It is right for me to think this of you all: Paul’s thankfulness, joy, and desire to pray for the Philippians was right, because they stood beside him in his trials for the gospel, and they received the same grace he did (you all are partakers with me of grace).

a. Memang sudahlah sepatutnya aku berpikir demikian akan kamu semua: Rasa syukur Paulus, sukacita, dan keinginan untuk berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi adalah benar, karena mereka mendukung dia dalam pencobaannya untuk menyebarkan injil, dan mereka menerima kasih karunia yang dia terima (kamu semua turut mendapat bagian dalam kasih karunia yang diberikan kepadaku)

b. I have you in my heart: Paul was a man of towering intellect, but he was also a man of great heart, and the Philippian Christians were in his heart. He could even call God as his witness regarding his deep affection for them.

b. Kamu ada di dalam hatiku: Paulus adalah seorang intelektual, tapi dia juga seseorang dengan hati yang besar, dan jemaat Filipi ada di dalam hatinya. Dia bahkan bisa menyebut Tuhan sebagai saksinya atas kasihnya bagi mereka. 

i. Clarke paraphrased Paul’s idea here: “I call God to witness that I have the strongest affection for you, and that I love you with that same kind of tender concern with which Christ loved the world when he gave himself for it.”

i. Clarke menguraikan maksud Paulus disini: "Aku meminta Tuhan untuk bersaksi bahwa aku memiliki kasih yang terkuat bagi kamu, dan bahwa aku mengasihi kamu dengan jenis kasih mesra yang sama yang mana Kristus mengasihi dunia saat dia menyerahkan dirinya baginya."

4. (Philippians 1:9-11) Paul’s prayer for the Philippians.

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

4. (Filipi 1:9-11) Paulus berdoa bagi jemaat Filipi  

Dan inilah doaku, semoga kasihmu makin melimpah dalam pengetahuan yang benar dan dalam segala macam pengertian, sehingga kamu dapat memilih apa yang baik, supaya kamu suci dan tak bercacat menjelang hari Kristus, penuh dengan buah kebenaran yang dikerjakan oleh Yesus Kristus untuk memuliakan dan memuji Allah. 

a. This I pray, that your love may abound still more and more: The Philippians had a lot of love, and they showed it to Paul. Yet Paul didn’t hesitate to pray that their love would abound still more and more. It doesn’t matter how much love for others we have; we can still have more!

a. Dan inilah doaku, semoga kasihmu makin melimpah: Jemaat Filipi berlimpah akan kasih, dan mereka menunjukkannya pada Paulus. Tetap Paulus tidak ragu untuk berdoa agar kasih mereka makin melimpah. Tidak peduli berapa banyak kita mengasihi orang lain; kita tetap bisa memiliki lebih! 

i. “That it may be like a river, perpetually fed with rain and fresh streams so that it continues to swell and increase until it fills all its banks, and floods the adjacent plains.” (Clarke)

i. "Jadilah seperti sungai, terus menerus dijatuhi hujan dan aliran segar sehingga akan makin membesar dan bertambah hingga memenuhi semua pinggirannya dan membanjiri batas daratannya." (Clarke)

b. That your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment: Yet, the love Paul wanted to abound in the Philippians was not “blind love.” It was love that had knowledge and all discernment; it was love that couldapprove the things that are excellent.

b. Semoga kasihmu makin melimpah dalam pengetahuan yang benar dan dalam segala macam pengertian: Demikianpun, kasih yang Paulus inginkan makin berlimpah dalam jemaat Filipi bukanlah "kasih buta." Tapi adalah kasih yang memiliki pengetahuan dan pengertian; adalah kasih yang dapat memilih apa yang baik.

i. Paul knew the danger of a undiscerning love. He rebuked the Corinthian church that seemed to glory in their “love” and “openness” which lacked any sense of knowledge and discernment (1 Corinthians 5:1-7)

i. Paulus tahu bahaya akan kasih yang tak waspada. Dia menegur jemaat Korintus yang terlihat memuliakan dalam "kasih" dan "keterbukaan" mereka yang kurang akan pengetahuan dan pengertian (1 Kor 5:1-7)

c. That you may be sincere and without offense: When we approve and receive the things that are excellent, we become sincere (speaking of inner righteousness) and without offense (speaking of outer righteousness that can be seen). Till the day of Christ means that these things become increasingly evident in our life until Jesus comes.

c. Supaya kamu suci dan tak bercacat: Saat kita dapat memilih apa yang baik, kita menjadi suci (merujuk pada pembenaran dari dalam) dan tak bercacat (berbicara tentang pembenaran di luar yang dapat dilihat). Menjelang hari Kristus berarti hal ini menjadi bukti yang meningkat dalam hidup kita hingga Yesus datang.

i. Being sincere is important, but alone it is not enough. Notorious sinners in the days of Jesus such as tax collectors were sincere, yet they still needed to repent. As well, being without offense before others is important, but alone it is not enough. The Pharisees of Jesus’ day were without offense in the opinion of many. We want God to make us both sincere and without offense.

i. Menjadi suci penting, tapi itu saja tidak cukup. Pendosa yang terkenal di jaman Yesus seperti pemungut cukai juga suci, tapi mereka tetap harus bertobat. Sama juga, menjadi tak bercacat dihadapan orang lain itu penting, tapi itu saja tidak cukup. Para Farisi di jaman Yesus pun tak bercacat dalam banyak hal. Kita ingin Tuhan membuat kita suci dan sekaligus tak bercacat. 

d. Being filled with the fruits of righteousness: The work of becoming sincere and without offense is really God’s work within us. It happens as we are filled with the fruits of righteousness.

d. Penuh dengan buah kebenaran: Pekerjaan untuk menjadi suci dan tak bercacat adalah benar-benar pekerjaan Tuhan di dalam kita. Ini terjadi sejalan dengan kita penuh dengan buah kebenaran. 

i. Bearing fruit is always the result of abiding in Jesus (John 15:4-6). As we abide in Him, we receive the life and nutrients we need to naturally bear fruit to the glory and praise of God.

i. Berbuah selalu menjadi hasil dari tinggal di dalam Yesus (Yoh 15:4-6). Saat kita tinggal di dalam Dia, kita menerima hidup dan nutrisi yang kita butuhkan untuk secara alami berbuah untuk memuliakan dan memuji Allah. 

ii. “Every genuine follower of God has his glory in view by all that he does, says, or intends. He loves to glorify God, and he glorifies him by showing forth in his conversion the glorious working of the glorious power of the Lord.” (Clarke)

ii. Tiap pengikut Tuhan yang tulus memiliki kemuliaannya dalam segala hal yang dia lakukan, katakan dan maksudkan. Dia suka memuliakan Tuhan, dan dia melakukannya dengan menunjukkan dalam perubahannya pekerjaan agung dari kuasa agung Tuhan." (Clarke)  

I am beautiful

I used to think that I wasn't beautiful. I grew up thinking that way. My sister is more beautiful than me, thats what I heard people say whenever we were together. Then I would start looking at my sister. She has pointed nose, mine is flat. She has spotless skin face, mine is rich with black spots and acne. She has flat tummy, I've got fat. She has brighter skin, I get darker and darker. I would agree with those people after, thinking I am not beautiful enough. Later on, I started to hate myself. I hate the fact that I looked horrible as a girl. I wished I was a boy. I tried to be like one. For me that time, things seemed easier for boys. They didn't have to worry about looking ugly, they simply didn't care. Maybe that's not true, you boys know better, but yeah I just wanted to not be a girl. It wasn't very extreme thou, my wish. I didn't plan to have gender-change surgery or whatsoever, and I still like boys (hello Jesse McCartney, Daniel Pedrosa, and Tobby Maguire) The problem was simply I didn't feel beautiful and nobody told me that I was, but I couldn't do anything about it and I still wanted to enjoy my life. So, I decided to just ignore "the look" that I had. I tried by myself to be beautiful. I put on nice dresses, shoes, accessories but when I looked at the mirror I never liked my reflection. Then, I tried to put on boys clothes, my brother's or even my dad's. I liked my reflection better after. Because I thought if I looked like boys, I didn't have to worry not looking beautiful anymore. People might stop comparing me to my sister because there was no point for them doing it as I wouldn't be offended. Yes, they did stop.

 Fact of how simpler and more comfortable boy's clothes are became another reason for me to look like them. I started to dress up, walked and behaved like them. My mom didn't want me to cut my long hair so I cut it myself whenever I took shower, little by little so she wouldn't notice it. I liked to hear people calling me tomboy. For me that sounded as a compliment, my version of beautiful. A close friend of mine in junior high school was tomboy as well, she's a fan of Linkin Park, Blink 182 and some other hard-core bands. I forced myself to like them also. Moto GP was popular at that time, I forced myself to like watching it even took notes of the riders' names and the winners of every race. Every Monday morning, both of us would be very noisy during the morning school ceremony talking about the race. Being tomboy was my shield for feeling-ugly attacks. I felt safe and strong. Things were fine till I entered senior high school.

People say the moments you have as senior high student would be the best ones because you would deal with that thing called 'young love'. For me, it happened the other way around. Yes, I did say that I still like boys, but those boys that I meant didn't include the cute guy in my class, or next door or those hot-looking seniors. When you admire actors or singers whom you can find easily on the cover of girl's magazines, even though you are a tomboy you don't have to be afraid to get rejected. It's totally different when you like your classmate sitting right in front of you. You will feel uglier than ever as he threats you like his dude. You will start blaming yourself for being tomboy but on the other side you are not beautiful as well so even though you become feminine still there's no guarantee that he will interest in you. You may have chance if you are tomboy but looking like Demi Levato. If you are not then no solution for you. That's how I felt. My "falling in love" experience didn't help me at all, it made me feel worse. I felt worthless.

I received Jesus in 2010. Then I learned how God had created me very carefully and beautifully. God created human in His own image. He created heaven and earth simply by words and we can always find stunning beauty of His creations wherever we go and look. How much more beautiful human would be as He himself formed us. It's written in the bible that He even had known me before He formed me in my mother's womb. Hearing all those stories of God's overwhelming love for me helped me to find confidence in Him. I then realized that the reason I felt ugly the whole time because I agreed to people's approval and standard of beauty not God's. Pointed nose, bright skin, spotless face, beautiful hair, and the list keeps going. Well, there's nothing wrong with that but that shouldn't be your main focus. I agree that we need to take care of the body that God has given to us but not so that we become beautiful, as we are indeed beautiful. We do it simply to show our gratefulness to Him. In Jesus I feel beautiful and precious in and out. As I feel beautiful inside, I feel more beautiful outside. If you don't agree with me, that's because you use human standard of beauty but I don't need your approval anymore. Now, I can confidently say I am beautiful, lots of thanks to Jesus.

He changed me

When I was young, I used to be very violent. Well, I grew up with that. My parents were pretty hard in teaching me and my siblings, no details needed. I guess that was the cause I became like that. I was physically bigger and stronger than my older sister and younger brothers at that time so whenever we fought I won most of the time. I remember making my sister cried many many times and also my brothers. Then, later I would regret it and tried to make things up with them. I didn't say sorry or whatever as I thought that it wasn't totally my fault. I would simply be nice to them hoping they would understand I didn't feel okay to cause them to cry. For most of the people in my hometown or maybe some other places also, it is normal for siblings to fight and even hurt each other. But, being violent is something like a disease, it eventually gets worse. It happened to me. There was one time when I hit my little brother harshly using the broom stick, I lost control. I didn't only hit him but I kicked him as well. He cried loudly but I was overwhelmed by anger and ignored the fact that he was just 9yrs old little guy. No adults came up to stop  me. I was pretty sure they heard my brother crying like crazy but nobody showed up. Thank God, I stopped by myself. I would've killed him if I didn't. I didn't feel proud and hate myself for behaving that way. I tried to change myself but it was difficult. Whenever my brothers rebelled against me or didn't want to do things I asked them to do, my violent side took control. Whenever my sister provoked me over stuff I would attack her.

I received Jesus in 2010. Then I learned that I could be born again when I received Him and became someone new. The first thing I wanted to be renewed about myself was my violent behavior. I realized that I always failed trying to change it before because I relied on my own strength but since Jesus would help and He is much more powerful than me so I believed it would work out. I didn't change instantly but as I walked with Him day by day, changes really took place. Before, whenever my brother or sister did something provocative, I would not be patient enough to not attack them. After, I became more patient, I chose to just walk away from them instead of stayed there and got provoked even more. Before, being violent was my only choice to make my little brothers do their home tasks as my parents had divided for us. After, I would rather to do it myself or encouraged them to do it with me without any violent approach. Jesus really changed me. 

Later on, I learned to just love them and people. I learned to forgive. I learned to let God heal me whenever people hurt me. Now, when I get mad, I forgive. When I get offended, I forgive. When I get hurt, I forgive. It sounds lame but the peace and joy that you gain when you simply forgive and love people just priceless. I'm so grateful that I met Jesus and He changed that part of me. I'm still struggling with many bad behaviors but with Him walking by my side I am a conqueror to be. 

Do you have bestfriend?

Yesterday I had the first meeting with my new private English course student. She wants to improve her English speaking and listening abilities thats why she's taking a course with me. I asked her to measure her level of both abilities from number 1 to 10 and she picked number 1. So, I gave her several questions in English to make sure she measured right. One of the questions was "Do you have best-friend?". She asked me back, "do you mean worldly best-friend or spiritual one?" I said any of them. Her answer was quiet surprising for me and it really changed my definition of friendship. She said she doesnt have any worldly best-friend. She only has Jesus. I was a little bit confused so I asked her the reason for giving that answer. For her, best-friend means someone who can always be by her side in sadness and happiness, someone she can tell everything to, someone she can always run to, and up to today nobody can be that person for her till she met Jesus, even her husband. So, does it mean that she doesnt appreciate those who had chances to be on her side before, those who were close to her, those who wiped her tears probably before, those who encouraged her to be someone she is today? No, she loves those people, but she realizes that human is limited. She's not blaming anyone for making her feels like she has nobody to call best-friend. She's feeling grateful instead because then Jesus can be the only best-friend she could ever have. Jesus can be the only one. Then she asked me, "how about you Ceasy?" At first I thought about people whom I call best-friends, and yes I have some but they are not here with me. I cant see or talk to them everyday. And even when we have the chance to talk to each other, we are limited by time and space. There will be times when I want to talk to them but they are too busy with their life and same thing for me, I cant always be available for them because Im limited. So, should I say that I actually dont have best-friend as well? I think so. I hope this statement wont offense anyone, especially those whom I once declared as my best-friends. You guys are awesome and you all have affected my life in so many great ways. Im so grateful having you all in my life as we were able and will be able to spend lots of great moments, talks, encouragements, prayers, etc. But, Im sure you all know that it's only Jesus who can always be 24/7 available for each of us. So, the next time when someone asks who my best-friend is, Jesus will be my answer.

Worst Love Confession

"Apa ini"?, dia bertanya sambil memegang paper bag kecil berwarna coklat yang baru saja kuserahkan padanya.

"Hanya coklat. Coklat yang bodoh!", jawabku sembari membalikkan tubuh dan terburu-buru menutup pagar lalu langsung menuju kamar kostku.

Hari ini sekali lagi aku menyatakan cinta dan melepaskan cinta. Aku pernah melakukannya sebelumnya, karena lelaki yang kusukai itu begitu bijak di mataku hingga aku percaya saja saat dia bilang "Kamu harus jujur untuk bisa menuntaskan masalahmu". Aku menghindari dia begitu lama dan bersikap begitu cuek padanya karena ingin melupakan perasaan sayangku padanya yang kutahu pasti tidak akan terbalaskan. Dia terusik dengan sikapku dan akhirnya memaksaku untuk jujur sebenarnya apa yang membuatku begitu menghindarinya. Dan aku melakukan apa yang dia pinta. Aku mengaku padanya. Jawaban atas pengakuanku pun sama seperti yang telah kuduga. Dia menolakku dengan halus. Sakit tapi sedikit saja. Besoknya aku sudah bisa bersikap biasa padanya dan perasaanku untuknya juga berangsur hilang. Metode ini akhirnya kugunakan lagi. Saat aku jatuh cinta lagi. Cinta yang tak akan terbalas lagi. 

"Apa dia memang suka menyendiri seperti itu?", aku bertanya pada Halim, yang duduk di sebelahku. Mataku mengarah pada seorang anak lelaki yang sedang duduk sendirian di depan drumset. Beberapa peserta latihan pertunjukan musik tahunan Sekolah Musik Melody tengah berseliweran berdua atau dalam grup tapi anak lelaki yang kutanyakan pada Halim tengah duduk sendirian dan mengutak-atik handphone-nya sedari tadi. Hari ini adalah hari kelima kami latihan bersama di aula sekolah, dan kelima kalinya aku melihat dia selalu sendirian sepanjang break latihan. Aku yang penasaran akhirnya bertanya pada Halim tentang sikapnya itu. 

"Oh, gak sih. Kalau udah kenal lumayan banyak ngobrol kok", Halim menjawab seakan dia pernah mengobrol akrab dengan anak itu. 

"Masa? Kamu emang dekat sama dia?", selidikku. 

"Yah kan aku sekelas sama dia di kelas drum Sy. Emang agak pendiam anaknya, tapi kalo udah kenal bisa ngobrol enak juga. Kenapa sih nanyain dia?", Halim menaikkan alisnya menandakan dia curiga dengan rasa penasaranku tentang anak itu. 

"Gak, habisnya dia selalu sendirian tiap aku liat. Penasaran aja kenapa. Kasian liatnya. Kek gak punya teman gitu. Kalo dia diasingkan atau lainnya gak tega aku. Siapa namanya?", aku jujur pada Halim tentang alasanku bertanya karena memang aku paling tidak tega melihat orang ditinggal sendirian.

"Darel. Samperin dah kalo gitu, ajakin ngobrol. Baik kok". Halim melangkah mendekati anak itu lalu mengulurkan tangannya untuk melakukan tos khas anak lelaki saat bertemu. 

"Apa kabar Rel? Makin mantap aja main drumnya". Aku yang berdiri di samping Halim pun tersenyum dan mengulurkan tangan hendak berkenalan. 

"Hi, aku Sisy, dari tim choir. Aku teman dan tetangganya Halim. Nice meeting you", aku yang memang sudah terbiasa mengajak orang lain berkenalan tidak menunggu Halim memperkenalkanku lagi padanya. Dia menyambut uluran tanganku dan tersenyum simpul. 

"Hi, aku Darel. Nice meeting you as well", jawabnya dan saat dia tersenyum sedikit lebih lebar hingga barisan giginya terlihat, aku menyadari kalau gigi taringnya begitu menonjol hingga dia terlihat seperti drakula yang tersenyum jahat sebelum menggigit mangsanya.

"Bagus kamu main drumnya. Lebih bagus dari Halim", ledekku hingga Halim memasang tampang cemberut tanpa membalas karena dia tahu aku benar. 

"Oh, makasih. Halim juga lumayan kok", jawabnya pendek. 

"Ke kantin yuk, masih lumayan lama break-nya. Haus aku."

Aku yang menangkap keengganan Darel mengikuti ajakanku memberi isyarat pada Halim untuk mendorongnya bangun, saat dia telah sepenuhnya berdiri kami berduapun sedikit mendorongnya dari belakang berjalan ke arah kantin. Entah kenapa aku tertarik mengusik Darel dan kesendiriannya. Pikirku mungkin karena dia terlihat menyedihkan dan tidak punya teman hingga aku ingin bersikap sok pahlawan dan sukarela berteman dengannya, lagipula aku memang suka berteman dengan siapa saja jadi kenapa tidak. 

Kantin telah ramai dengan murid-murid lain, beberapa telah duduk manis menikmati makan siang mereka sambil sesekali berbincang dengan teman semeja makan mereka, beberapa masih ada yang berdiri dan sibuk memilih menu yang mereka sukai. Uniknya tidak ada satupun penjual di kantin, semua murid melayani diri mereka masing-masing. Kantin sekolahku memang menggunakan sistem Kantin Jujur, para murid diberikan kebebasan untuk melayani diri mereka sendiri dan lalu membayar sesuai menu yang mereka ambil. Berbagai jenis makanan dan camilan digelar di sebuah meja panjang lengkap dengan price tag masing-masing, minuman berbagai jenis tersedia dalam beberapa kotak es. Di kedua ujung meja terdapat dua buah kotak untuk para murid bisa menaruh uang bayaran mereka. Terlihat juga di beberapa sudut kantin tergantung papan-papan berisi tulisan nasehat agar para murid mau bersikap jujur. Aku menyukai sistem ini, walaupun tampak berisiko tapi sangat mendidik. Kita dilatih untuk mau bersikap jujur pada diri sendiri tanpa diawasi, dengan begitu ada kesadaran dari dalam diri kita yang tumbuh. Kami bertiga pun sibuk memilih menu yang tiap harinya selalu berganti. Darel kulihat hanya mengambil sepiring nasi goreng keju dan beberapa lauk, sekotak minuman teh lalu langsung membayar. Dia berjalan menuju meja kosong di pojok, duduk dan mulai makan. 

"Halim, udahan dong milihnya. Udah hampir penuh tuh piring kamu", aku mengomeli Halim yang belum juga selesai mengambil makanannya. 

"Aduhh, sayang Sy. Menu kan ganti-ganti terus. Aku belum nyicipin ini itu, besok gak bisa lagi dong. Mumpung ada cobain aja, kalo bisa semua. Hehe".

Halim tak menggubris omelanku dan tetap sibuk mengambil satu sendok dari tiap menu sambil mencoba menyediakan tempat bagi menu berikut di piringnya yang sudah hampir tak muat. Aku yang telah sangat laparpun meninggalkannya dan berjalan menuju meja yang telah ditempati Darel. Tampak dia sudah hampir menghabiskan makan siangnya dan tengah berhenti sebentar untuk minum. 

"Halim tuh emang paling suka lama milih menu. Tiap kali sama dia ke kantin pasti aku selesai duluan makan. Udah hafal aku", omelanku tentang Halim hanya disambut anggukan Darel. 

Aduh, pelit ngomong banget sih anak ini, pikirku.

"Enak nasi gorengnya?", aku kembali mencoba membuka percakapan.

"Enak kok", lagi lagi dia menjawab pendek.

 Mendengar respon yang serba pendek membuatku mati kutu dan akhirnya memutuskan untuk menikmati makan siangku saja dulu. Nanti saja ngobrolnya habis makan, kataku dalam hati. 

Halim datang dengan sepiring penuh makanan dan langsung mulai mencicipi tiap menu yang ada di piringnya. Sesekali dia mengangguk-angguk sambil mengunyah makanan di mulutnya tanda dia menyukai rasanya. Aku dan Darel yang telah selesai sedari tadi hanya memperhatikan dia, saling melihat lalu tertawa kecil. Gigi taringnya terlihat lagi. 

"Bagaimana rasanya, Chef Halim? Silahkan komentarnya", botol minumanku seketika berubah fungsi menjadi microphone untuk mewawancarai "Chef Halim". Halim mengunyah lebih cepat agar bisa menjawab pertanyaanku diikuti gerakan tangan yang mengisyaratkanku untuk menunggu sebentar sampai dia selesai menelan makanan di mulutnya. 

"Maknyosss....rrkkkkkkk", jawab Halim yang juga mengeluarkan suara seperti gemuruh tanda dia sudah kenyang. 

Tawa kami berduapun pecah melihat tingkah Halim. Suara tawa Darel terdengar seperti anak bayi. Dia terlihat senang dan aura gelap kesendiriannya seakan tidak pernah ada. Kami bertigapun bisa mengobrol banyak dengan lebih santai setelah tertawa bersama tadi. Kami berbicara banyak hal mulai dari Kantin Jujur, seandainya kantin gedung DPR atau DPRD atau gedung pemerintah manapun yang memiliki kantin juga memakai sistem yang sama mungkin saja bisa menumbuhkan kesadaran para coruptor-wannabe untuk tidak terus-terusan menguras uang negara, tentang akan sesukses apa pertunjukan musik tahunan sekolah kali ini, tentang orang-orang dewasa yang mencemooh tingkah laku anak-anak SD yang dengan gamblangnya beromantis-romantisan di social media tanpa sadar kalau mereka juga ikut ambil andil dalam perubahan psikologis anak-anak kecil dalam urusan cinta, anak-anak tidak punya kuasa untuk melakukan sesuatu atau mengambil keputusan tanpa bantuan orang dewasa, artis-artis di bawah umur yang melakoni peran untuk saling menyukai di sinetron atau yang menyanyikan lagu cinta atau yang diwawancarai di acara infotainmen tentang gosip kedekatannya dengan artis beda lawan jenis lainnya tentu saja memiliki orang dewasa di sekitarnya untuk mengingatkannya bahwa dia belum cukup umur untuk memikirkan itu semua tapi sepertinya mereka hanya memikirkan bagaimana bisa mendongkrak ketenaran si artis dengan berita-berita kacangan itu dan tidak terlalu mempedulikan efek sampingnya pada anak-anak kecil lain yang menonton dan cenderung meniru. Kalau saja bel sekolah tanda waktu istirahat telah selesai tidak berbunyi, kami bertiga bisa saja menghabiskan sepanjang hari itu di kantin untuk mendiskusikan dan memperdebatkan lebih banyak hal. Darel memang tidak sependiam kelihatannya, Halim berkata benar, dia bisa jadi teman mengobrol yang lumayan menyenangkan saat kalian sudah saling mengenal. Juga dia bukan tipe yang pasif dalam obrolan dua arah, dia bahkan tidak segan berkomentar atau mendebat pendapatmu akan sesuatu. Aku senang menghabiskan break-time bersamanya dan Halim hari ini dan berharap kami bisa selalu melakukannya. 

to be continued.....