They Grow Up Too Fast

One day, I was in Jakarta to see an old friend. He's been away from his family for a long time. It had been more than three years since I had returned home to see my family. He then stated that he wished to return home because he realized how time had passed, his parents had grown older, and his sibling had grown up. He resented the fact that he had missed seeing them grow older and more mature. That struck me as well; previously, I didn't want to return to my hometown; instead, I wanted to return to Bali from Jakarta and look for work in Bali. That conversation, however, changed my mind. I made the decision to return home, to my people, to my family. 

My friend was correct when I got home. My younger siblings have grown so much that they are now

Had fun at Paradiso beach, Kupang
(ignores the trash floating)

almost as tall as I am. Before I left home in 2013, they were just little babies to me; small, skinny kids who I used to beat up when they got in my way. They, too, cried a lot but also laughed a lot. I recall being assigned to babysit my youngest sister one day, but I promptly fell asleep. I awoke to find her having cut half of her hair with scissors, thanking God she hadn't hurt herself, but she was so amusing. Perhaps she copied me because I, too, liked to secretly cut my hair back then because long hair was too much work for me. Today, my youngest sister takes better care of herself than I did when I was her age. She looks exactly like me, only less crazy. She sings beautifully and even plays instruments. She excels in school and also enjoys sports such as Kenpo and badminton. 

Awkward pose, beautiful smile though 

My younger brother was a goofy kid. He enjoyed fooling around and making people laugh. We'd tell him to put on glasses and pose for pictures, and he'd just do it, even making funny faces for us. He is now the tallest member of our family. He's such a cool, calm kid. He prefers to spend his time at home, learning languages, reading books, playing instruments, and singing karaoke. He is a very social person who likes to hang out with his friends until late at night. Fortunately, we can still easily find him at home most of the time. He's also a good cook, even better than my older sister, hehe. 

Hi, I am the tallest in my family

I'm thankful that they're both maturing into such wonderful children. They listen well most of the time and give us fewer headaches than their older siblings did. The majority of their age group is known for being spoiled brats and troublemakers. They are, however, good kids at heart.

I am cute and I know it :)

Amateur Drawer

 

Unfortunately, I was not born with many talents. I can act, write poems, learn new languages quickly, write short stories, and that's about it. I wish I had been born with more abilities, one of which is drawing. But I suppose not. I'm always envious of those who can. I met a really talented friend back when I was in the US doing the CCI Program; his drawings would have interesting stories behind them, things related to ancient creatures, monsters, and so on. Whenever I asked him to tell me the stories behind any of his works, he would do so with excitement, joy, and pride, as any true artist would. We could sit and listen to him tell us stories for hours. I really hope he gets more people to admire his work in the near future.

Even though I am not a talented artist, I would like to try my hand at it whenever I feel like it. So I discovered this AI program called AutoDraw (AutoDraw.com) that allows me to do so, to get a taste of what it's like to be an artist, to be able to express myself through my drawings, my random thoughts. So, basically, this program will give you the opportunity to draw and then fix it for you. It is fine if you can't draw a perfect circle, or if your clouds look strange, it will beautify them for you. Isn't it amazing? I gave it a shot and came up with the attached image. That's exactly how I feel right now: random. Strange and perplexing.

How Lay EXO, Jackson Wang, Jay B, D.O EXO inspired me

Years ago, when I was in middle school, I overheard a couple of friends discussing a Korean drama called "Princess Hours" during P.E. They seemed very excited about it, but I had no idea what they were so excited about. I wasn't familiar with K-drama at the time, and I was more interested in MOTO GP, Valentino Rossi, Daniel Pedrosa, and other riders. I was first introduced to Korean drama when I started university; I'm not sure what the first drama I watched was, but I remember spending hours watching one episode after the next, even until dawn. It was just my guilty pleasure, a way for me to pass the time. I didn't think much of it; I just thought of Kdramas as high-end entertainment. Throughout the 16 to 20 episodes, I would find myself laughing, crying, disappointed, and absorbed. Then I realized I was addicted to it; my sleeping habits had been ruined, and I had neglected important tasks such as housework, homework, and my health. So I decided to take a break, which I did for quite some time.

However, I eventually found my way back to be hit by the Korean wave, this time with K-pop. Since I am not a member of any fandom, I would simply start listening to any Kpop songs that I liked. GOT7, Super Junior, EXO, NCT, Stray Kids, Astro, IU, Jessie, and others were among the artists I listened to. I simply enjoy music. Then, recently, I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything. I really want to graduate from university this year, but I can't bring myself to start writing my final essay. I'm just feeling a little sluggish. As a result, I began watching videos and interviews of several idols who are known to be hard workers; I'm sure most idols are, but these specific people truly inspired me; Lay EXO, D.O EXO, Jackson Wang, and Jay B from GOT7, among others. "Wah, I wish I was as ambitious as they are, as hardworking as they are, as passionate about something, about their goals and dreams," I often thought to myself. I'm not sure what my problem is or why I'm feeling this way, but I just want to get out of this mindset, this laziness. Seeing these guys work their butt out was like a slap in the face. I'm hoping I'm not too late. I don't want to be like this any longer. No way, no how.

Tiny Girl

 Tiny girl plucked out wild flowers, grasses, leaves and wild fruits in her front yard

She visited her mom's kitchen looking for a box of matches, she found it

Her friends had prepared three stones of similar sizes and dry branches

The three stones they set as triangle on the ground

The dry branches they pushed in between the stones

They had the stove ready

Tiny girl and her friends searched through a pile of junks for flat iron or aluminum preferably circle

They needed a wok

"I found it!", exclaimed the tiny girl

Their tiny kitchen was almost ready

Delicious meals made of wild flowers, grasses, leaves and wild fruits they had in mind

"Yummy," the tiny girl thought  

Little Boy

Little boy ran after his playmate's kite

Bare feet, dirty feet, ran across the soccer field

Little boy fell, he kissed the hot pavement

Nose bled, scratches, bruises, painless, tearless

Little boy kept on running

Little boy caught the kite

He was the champion

He ruled the world

He felt like it at least

Little boy walked home with the kite on his back

He reached home, put the kite on a pile of other kites

Big smile on his face

Life felt good

When someone calls you ugly

So, yeah it happened to me. When I heard it, my heart ached so bad. But I covered it up. It wasn't only my heart that hurt but also my self-esteem. I wrote an article before (read http://ceasycheese.blogspot.com/2015/08/i-am-beautiful.html) about how I finally find my beauty and my value in Jesus as know I was created fearfully and wonderfully by God. I am so much more confident today than I was years ago knowing this. Then, my confidence in Him was tested on that day. Did I pass? Yes, I did. How would I know? I'll tell you how in two ways. I will identify myself as "me before" and "me after". "me before" is I when I haven't found my beauty and value in Jesus and "me after" is I am today. I respond differently in thoughts and actions as "me before" and "me after" when I notice people see or call me ugly . Those thoughts and actions will tell you why and how I passed the test. 

Me before: I will agree with those who see and call me ugly

Me after: I will remind myself of what God says in Book of Jeremiah that He himself formed me in my mother's womb. God, the creator of heaven and earth, formed me fearfully and wonderfully in my mother's womb so I should be freaking beautiful.

Me before: I will hate that person for being so mean to me

Me after: I will ask God to enable me to forgive that person right away

Me before: I will blame myself for not being beautiful and then blame my parents for not being beautiful as well and then blame my mom or dad for not getting married to foreigner so that I could look like Cinta Laura or other children born from crossbred family and then eventually blame God for not being fair to me since I look uglier than other girls. 

Me after: I thank God for my dark skin, flat nose, thick lips, messy hair, basically all things about myself

Me before: I will judge that person who calls me ugly as heartless mean judgmental person

Me after: I look at myself thinking that I also sometimes judge people based on their appearance, I just wont say it frankly. Then I ask God to teach me to see beauty in each individual and to have His kind of heart filled of love for people no matter how "ugly" they look like.

Me before: I will say something to make that person feels bad 

Me after: I stay quiet and pray in my heart asking God to remind me of how beautiful and precious I am in His eyes

That's how I passed.

I prayed, Jesus answered #2

He answered my prayer (again) two days ago. I'm working in a pilates studio in Bali, and these few months have been very busy at the studio with many people try to book into our classes. Therefore, my boss decided to change the schedule and add more classes to maintain the increased number of our clients. Last Friday, my boss told some of the clients after the class that their class will be rescheduled to Tuesday and Thursday at 9.20 (this class was scheduled every Monday and Friday). I was working so I didn't really listen to the information my boss gave to them. Then, one of the clients came to me saying that she wanted to book herself in for the same class next week on Tuesday, she thought that the schedule would be changed already the week after. And I did book herself in. After everybody left, I asked my boss when the schedule changed. My boss said it would be changed the week after next week. I then realized that the lady before had the wrong information, and the bad news was I didn't have her phone number. I didn't say anything to my boss. I prayed instead. I prayed that Jesus would work this matter out for me. I only know her first name, so I tried to find her on Facebook but it didn't succeed. I kept praying. On Monday, I prayed again hoping that she would call to cancel her class on Tuesday. I always believe that God is in control over everything, my favorite verse from Romans 8:28 in shorter version "All things work together for good for those who love God". I always quote this verse whenever I find myself with problems. So, when I prayed I also believed that even though Jesus didn't work this thing out as I expected and that lady didn't call and she would still come on Tuesday, it must be the best thing should have happened and it's for my own goodness. I was ready to deal with the risks of this matter, to receive complaints either from the client because I gave her wrong information or my boss since I didn't ask for clients' phone number as she always reminded me to do so. Then, she called. It was the moment when I already surrendered to Jesus and asked Him to strengthen me to be responsible over this matter. When I picked up the phone and the caller told me that her name is Josephine I thanked Jesus so much in my heart and my mind. Again, He answered my prayer in His perfect timing. It was probably a small matter, but it proved that He cares for us even in smallest matters. I'm forever grateful to Him.