He changed me

When I was young, I used to be very violent. Well, I grew up with that. My parents were pretty hard in teaching me and my siblings, no details needed. I guess that was the cause I became like that. I was physically bigger and stronger than my older sister and younger brothers at that time so whenever we fought I won most of the time. I remember making my sister cried many many times and also my brothers. Then, later I would regret it and tried to make things up with them. I didn't say sorry or whatever as I thought that it wasn't totally my fault. I would simply be nice to them hoping they would understand I didn't feel okay to cause them to cry. For most of the people in my hometown or maybe some other places also, it is normal for siblings to fight and even hurt each other. But, being violent is something like a disease, it eventually gets worse. It happened to me. There was one time when I hit my little brother harshly using the broom stick, I lost control. I didn't only hit him but I kicked him as well. He cried loudly but I was overwhelmed by anger and ignored the fact that he was just 9yrs old little guy. No adults came up to stop  me. I was pretty sure they heard my brother crying like crazy but nobody showed up. Thank God, I stopped by myself. I would've killed him if I didn't. I didn't feel proud and hate myself for behaving that way. I tried to change myself but it was difficult. Whenever my brothers rebelled against me or didn't want to do things I asked them to do, my violent side took control. Whenever my sister provoked me over stuff I would attack her.

I received Jesus in 2010. Then I learned that I could be born again when I received Him and became someone new. The first thing I wanted to be renewed about myself was my violent behavior. I realized that I always failed trying to change it before because I relied on my own strength but since Jesus would help and He is much more powerful than me so I believed it would work out. I didn't change instantly but as I walked with Him day by day, changes really took place. Before, whenever my brother or sister did something provocative, I would not be patient enough to not attack them. After, I became more patient, I chose to just walk away from them instead of stayed there and got provoked even more. Before, being violent was my only choice to make my little brothers do their home tasks as my parents had divided for us. After, I would rather to do it myself or encouraged them to do it with me without any violent approach. Jesus really changed me. 

Later on, I learned to just love them and people. I learned to forgive. I learned to let God heal me whenever people hurt me. Now, when I get mad, I forgive. When I get offended, I forgive. When I get hurt, I forgive. It sounds lame but the peace and joy that you gain when you simply forgive and love people just priceless. I'm so grateful that I met Jesus and He changed that part of me. I'm still struggling with many bad behaviors but with Him walking by my side I am a conqueror to be.